gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
