dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
