I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
