grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
