NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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