I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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