She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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