I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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