Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
