you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
