The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
