you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
