Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Buhtt sex?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
