I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
