where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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