Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
