Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
