sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
