P.S. I can't hear my feet
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
