it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
