i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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