So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
