why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I want to be your penis for a week.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
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