i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
