these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Church boner. Awkwardddd
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
