Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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