There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
