I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
