im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I AM VODKA MAN
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
