they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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