Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
