So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
