You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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