Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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