And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
there is glitter all over my balls
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