I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Randomize
