I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
