i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
