I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
