I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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