shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
