It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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