dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
