I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Too much gin, very little bucket
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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