P.S. I can't hear my feet
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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