he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
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