New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
