So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
