He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
