Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
