There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
