My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
